2:25 p.m. - 2018-09-13
I’ve noticed that London is directly affected by my behavior. I seriously can be that daft to not see the obvious at times. This is Parenting 101. Anyway, now I notice depression lurking about her. It hurts so bad to be responsible for that.
The Bible says that every man works salvation out for himself. Not by himself. Which is how I’ve approached dealing with things up until giving my life to Jesus Christ, and a little thereafter. And professing it isn’t saving anyone either.
This whole entire God-given life experience, my mind, my mistakes, my pain, what I’ve done to others and what others have done to me—all of it—has led to today. And I look at her, and I see it coming back. Lord please forgive me if I’m wrong for this, but London being saved and filled with the Holy Spirit is a lot of the drive behind what I’m doing (aside from loving the Lord Jesus for who He is, what He did and still does). And I ask for forgiveness because I’ve desperately went anywhere that had open, loving arms to seek the Lord out, to save her in spite of me. Because my flesh still says “You’re not good enough to be saved & filled with the Holy Ghost. Look at yourself. Listen to other people. They’re right about the Lord. You can never be.” And that is absolutely wrong.
The Lord Jesus Christ is right about the LORD.
I’m not asking to be saved and filled, although I am grateful to receive that. I’m asking for enough Grace to help London get to Jesus Christ for herself, love and obey Him.
When we talk about the Lord, she gets it and her spirit calms, so it is good. It works for her. And my life is changing before her as I get more into the Word of God. I can barely work in my office without dividing the attention with audio Scripture. It’s a non-stop thing. And this may be the Lord’s Way of secretly getting me to the goal, too. I don’t focus on that though. It’s just happening.
Bringing London to the Lord may be all that He lays out for me to do for His glory. And that’s enough for me. Why want?